A letter from my heart to yours:
Depression.
How come I never see it coming?
How come my advice for depression always sound so good when I’m giving advice to others but don’t work for me?
I remember one Christmas when all my children had come home—but one. The family was upstairs having such a great time sharing about what was going on in their lives and getting ready for our Christmas celebration, but I was down in the basement suffering from depression. Melissa left the family fun upstairs and came downstairs to try to help me. She said, “Daddy, can’t you just be happy that the rest of us are home?” She was right. I wanted to. I should have been able to, but frankly, I just couldn’t.
Depression, I hate it. It makes strong people weak, intelligent people into fools, decisive people incapable of reason, and the sensitive into blubbering idiots.
As you read this chapter on depression, I hope you do what I’m learning to do rather than what I did.
Sometimes nothing and no one can help but Jesus!
Thanks for reading,
Bill
From my journal during a time in the pit of depression:
“Lord, I’ve been coming to you, crying out in pain for months. Please help me, Lord. I need your help to get my eyes up, to follow the counsel I give to others…to just shut up about ‘How I feel’ and ‘What I want.’ Lord, I’ve been beating myself up with every breath. In a year when our family has never been better, Satan, the ‘accuser of the brethren’ is tempting me to forget the good You have done through my life and drawing my focus to only the broken parts and the efforts that didn’t work out as I hoped.
Please help me to get control of my feelings and my mouth. I’m getting in the way of you using my life. I’ve been to the doctor to see if something is physically wrong and I’m asking you for a good report. If something physical is wrong though, please help the doctor to find it and help me. If I am falling apart emotionally, please help me find a counselor to help…and then help me listen to his advice and counsel. If I need to take medicine, please humble me, and help me to take the advice I give others.
Lord, I know I’m spiritually empty. I know I’ve been working for you and not allowing you to work in and through me. I’ve been hiding from my depression, and so I’ve been pushing and stressing. I’ve been trying to be a 40 watt bulb in a 150 watt bulb area. I know I’ve been focusing on the negative rather than the positive, and I’ve become critical of myself and others.
Lord, I know you love me…but I’m having trouble loving me. Why can I accept that you love and forgive me, but I can’t give love and forgiveness to myself? I’m giving others the right answers, but I’m not accepting them myself. I’m believing in You, Lord, but I’m not trusting.
Please help my emotions and mouth to be yielded to Your control. I love You Lord.
-Bill”
I’m not sure if everyone gets depressed.
Some people either are never depressed or they lie. I’ve fought the battle of depression all my life, and because my dad and brothers have also fought this battle, our family calls it “The Putman Pout.”
How come I never see it coming?
Have you noticed that depression sneaks up on you—thatyou seldom see it coming until it happens? I know that our “buckets” leak and we get empty. But why do we “stay there”—especially when we’ve been there before? Instead of focusing on the Lord, and the wonderful things He has done and is doing in our lives, all we can see are the broken pieces, and we fall into the pit of depression.
I’ve noticed that when people get empty, their natural human tendencies are exaggerated.
Some quiet people become silent. Some people, who struggle with anger, lose control. People with weight struggles eat. Some with moral or ethical weaknesses compromise and indulge. Some open and talkative people become really hard to be around. When depression descends on me, the normal discouragements of life overwhelm me, and I become obsessed with finding solutions and “fixing” things.
Have you noticed that when we get “empty,” we lose control? We don’t seem to be able to stop ourselves before driving ourselves (and those we love most) crazy. Maybe it’s because we slide into the depression rather than fall into it. Instead of taking time to rest, pray, and reflect, I worked harder at trying to fix my problems. Instead of stepping back, I pushed harder. Instead of letting God lead, empower, and work through me, I pressed on and became overwhelmed with my emotions, my work, my talking, and my self-value (or lack of).
Since I have been a Christian there have been at least six times when my “bucket” became empty. Looking back I can identify when my physical bucket, marriage bucket, parentingbucket, health bucket, job bucket, and dream bucket each became empty. These were all different areas of my life, but the results were the same!
Why does this keep happening?
Maybe there’s really just one bucket, a spiritual bucket that has different areas of vulnerability. In each of the above situations, it’s as if my bucket sprung a small leak or two in one area, and before I knew it, there was a great hemorrhage!
Looking back, I can clearly recall the Lord showing me my broken self in each situation. I saw the leaks, but I didn’t like what I saw. In each case, I had embarrassed myself in front of people I really admired, or whose approval really meant something to me. I had “failed.
A journal entry after one such time:
“Lord, it’s happened again. I didn’t see it coming, but here I sit in my pit of depression. In this latest situation, I was tired and drained, and I wasn’t in control of my emotions or words. It’s hard to look at myself through the eyes of those I love most and see what they must see—a man silent, afraid to speak or a man who just won’t shut up! Surely I was a man out of control, self-absorbed, tired, and “bleeding” on anyone who would listen.”
CAN YOU IDENTIFY THE MAJOR TIMES IN YOUR LIFE WHEN DEPRESSION RAISED ITS UGLY HEAD?
Why do we get depressed?
I counsel people nearly every day, and I suppose there are a whole lot of reasons people get depressed. I have found it helpful to work through a sort of inventory to identify the main cause.
- Is Jesus really YOUR Savior?
Some people are depressed because they are trying to be a Christian without having Christ! In that case, they are reading the Bible looking for answers, but it’s as if they are reading someone else’s mail. The Bible is a love letter to Christians; those God has forgiven and empowered to produce the Christian life. We can have Christian parents, be raised in a Christian home (even one where the dad is a pastor), attend a growing church, know and usually obey all the “Christian rules” and still not know Jesus Christ as our Savior. In fact, I think that many “church kids,” or people who are related to Christians, give “Christianity” a try only to discover they “can’t make it work,” and they give up. Remember, YOU CAN’T BE A CHRISTIAN WITHOUT CHRIST!
- IS JESUS REALLY YOUR LORD?
Sometimes depression comes because we Christians are trying to do God’s job for Him. We accept the salvation, but we still want to be in charge! We want to do our own thing, or if we’re going to do as God asks, we’re going to do it in our own ability.
Let me illustrate. If you pick up your Bible and start reading in the middle of the Book of Ephesians (Ephesians 4:25-6:9) you will find 39 specific commands for every Christian. If you take the time to read them you will hear “DON’T!”, “DO!”, “GET RID OF!”, “BE!”, “FORGIVE!”, “DON’T!”, ‘DON’T!”…‘DON’T!” It’s a tough assignment! I don’t know about you, but I have a lot of problems living up to the commands of Scripture WITH Jesus as my Savior and Lord. Before He was my Savior I couldn’t do them at all! YOU CAN’T LIVE THE CHRISTIAN LIFE WITHOUT LETTING JESUS BE LORD OF YOUR LIFE!
- HOW IS YOUR PHYSICAL HEALTH?
Sometimes our depression is caused by something physical. How are you sleeping and eating? Are you getting enough exercise? Taking time off to rest? The depression may be caused by a change in your blood pressure or sugar levels. It may be a warning sign from God that something more serious is happening in your body. I believe “Doctor Luke” traveled with the Apostle Paul to assist him with his health so he could do his spiritual work. How long has it been since you have been to the doctor for a physical? Remember, WE MAY BE SAVED, BUT WE STILL LIVE IN A BROKEN WORLD.
- DO YOU HAVE UNCONFESSED SIN IN YOUR LIFE?
Depression can also set in when there’s sin in your life that needs to be dealt with. Confess it and ask God to help you overcome it. John 16:7-14 teaches us that the Holy Spirit is sent into the world to convict the world (including Christians) of sin, of righteousness, and of judgment. Please remember, the Lord won’t condone in the life of the Christian what He condemns in the life of the non-Christian. If you are not a Christian, your guilt comes from God working in your life to you to help you turn to Him. If you are a Christian, the guilt is a gift from God to you so you can find the sweet relief and peace that comes with His forgiveness (1 John 1:9).
- IS YOUR DEPRESSION CAUSED BY BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS?
Is there someone you have wronged? (Place text) Matthew 5 tells us to go to them and seek forgiveness. Is there someone who has wronged you? Matthew 18:15ff tells us to go to them and gives us a prescription for restoring broken relationships.
- IS YOUR DEPRESSION THE RESULT OF “STINKING THINKING” OR FOCUSING ON NEGATIVE THINGS?
In this world of pressures, failures, broken dreams, and sin, it’s easy to get caught up in the cycle of “stinking thinking” instead of having an “attitude of gratitude.” The Apostle Paul, writing from a Roman jail. (Philippians 4:4-9), implores us to keep our eyes on things that are good and lovely.
Paul tells us that everyone has a “good list” and a “bad list.”] When someone asks us, “How are you doing?” we have to choose which list we are going to talk about.
When I am tired or empty, it’s easy to get my eyes off of my “good list” and only think about the “bad list.” For me, the “bad list” is me: my failures, my hurts, and my feelings. I frankly get sick of me!
Whether we are in a Roman jail, in a poverty stricken city called Philippi, or living in a mansion, when we begin to only see the bad things in our lives, we fall prey to depression. Paul’s counsel to all of us living on the edge of despair is to stop and take a look at the “good list.” When we focus on the blessings and recall how God has kept His word in the past through healing, help, and comfort, we can face our future with confidence.
- IS YOUR DEPRESSION THE RESULT OF LISTENING TO WRONG COUNSELORS?
Too often depression deepens when we look for counselors who merely agree with us. We want someone to take our side, understand our anger or hurt, and help us feel justified. But we need to measure the counselors and their counsel by Scripture. Consider James 1:2-7, 3:17-18, and 1 Corinthians 6:1-4.
- IS YOUR DEPRESSION THE RESULT OF ISOLATING YOURSELF FROM THE PEOPLE YOU NEED?
When depression attacks, we often withdraw from the very people we need most. We want to separate ourselves from people, circumstances, or relationships, fearing they’ll only bring more pressure into our lives. Hebrews 3:12-13 warns us to “take care brethren, lest there should be in any one of you an evil, unbelieving heart, in falling away from the living God. 13) But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called “today.” Lest anyone of you be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.”
HOW CAN WE OVERCOME DEPRESSION?
When depression crowds into my nights, I’ve found comfort in hiding the Psalms in my heart and reflecting on them during the long nights that depression brings. “I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you” (Psalm 119:11, NIV). It sure helps me to focus on the “good list.”
David, the writer of most of the Psalms, was a man who also faced times of great depression. As I read his writings, I discover someone else who understands my feelings. Not only did David understand, but he gives me a prescription for climbing out of the pit of despair. He was a son forgotten by his physical dad, a rejected brother, and an over-achiever who was envied and hunted down by his beloved king. His best friend died. He experienced a broken marriage, had an affair, and murdered a close friend to cover his own sin. He watched his children rebel, sin, and die. He built a great kingdom, but lost every meaningful relationship. Is it any wonder that David, a great soldier, at times turned into a depressed coward? In Psalm 139 David reflects on the lessons he’s learned (We are always smarter when looking back than when we are in the middle of the battle.).
GOD IS ALWAYS THERE, AND HE ALWAYS KNOWS.
– Psalm 139:1-6) (NLT) “O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. 2) You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my every thought when far away. 3) You chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and rest. Every moment you know where I am. 4) You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. 5) You both precede and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. 6) Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to know!”
WE CAN NEVER RUN AWAY FROM GOD.
– Psalm 139:7) “I can never escape from your spirit! I can never get away from your presence! 8) If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the place of the dead, you are there. 9) If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, 10) even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. 11) I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night- 12) but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.”
GOD HAS A PLAN FOR EVERY LIFE.
– Psalm 139:13) ”You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14) Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous – and how well I know it. 15) You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. 16) You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. 17) How precious are your thoughts about me, O God! They are innumerable! 18) I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up in the morning you are still with me!”
GOD KNOWS WHO OUR ENEMIES ARE.
– Psalm 139:19) “O God, if only you would destroy the wicked! Get out of my life, you murderers! 20) They blaspheme you; your enemies take your name in vain. 21) O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you? Shouldn’t I despise those who resist you? 22) Yes, I hate them with complete hatred for your enemies are my enemies.”
GOD GIVES US DIRECTIONS ON HOW TO BE RESTORED TO HIMSELF.
– Psalm 139:23) “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. 24) Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”
AS LONG AS THERE IS GOD…THERE IS HOPE!
Do you realize that EVERYONE has a good list and a bad list and when someone asks us, “how are you”, we get to choose which list to think and talk about:
Will it be “stinking thinking” or an “attitude of gratitude”?
It’s your choice!
PRACTICAL APPLICATION:
- TAKE “INVENTORY.” Could your depression be from one of the main causes I’ve listed in this chapter?
- QUIT TRYING TO “FIX” THE SYMPTOMS. Focus on the real issue (your health, a broken relationship, sin, etc.).
3. PRAY. Ask God to help you—to show you what you need to do, or NOT do. Ask Him to remind you of the good things in your life. - READ. Feed your mind on His Word. Perhaps you’ll find comfort in Psalms too!
- WORSHIP. Take time to praise the Lord…and to listen.
- REST. Do you need to cancel some responsibilities this week or call people to take your place? Remember, you are not the only soldier in God’s army.
- CONNECT WITH OTHER CHRISTIANS. Don’t isolate! Do you need to seek out a Christian who will help you think through, process, advise, and encourage you?
- Who should it be?
- Can it be by phone?
- If you communicate best in writing, could it be done through e-mails or letters?
- GET MOVING. Do a project that brings you closer to God and helps you feel
productive. For me, it’s writing. Nothing directs my life more than sitting down, being quiet, thinking, and then writing to God. I know a woman who draws close to God when she paints. Still, there are folks that enjoy quiet walks with God. Although we shouldn’t just “get busy for busy’s sake,” it’s important to not just sit around when we get down. Find something that suits you and allows God to speak to your heart.
THIS IS NOT SOME MAGICAL FORMULA TO CURE DEPRESSION, BUT RATHER, IT IS A PROCESS TO HELP YOU DRAW CLOSE TO GOD IN YOUR TIMES OF OPPRESSION OR DEPRESSION