A letter from my heart to yours:
Dear Family and Friends,
I heard one of my mentors once say to a class of prospective ministers, “I don’t care how homely you are. If there is a desire in your heart for immorality, Satan will bring the opportunity.”
Did you know that there was a time in my life when I had to battle for a pure thought life, not just daily, or hourly, but minute-by-minute? I believe we all face this to some degree. I can still remember when I was a child and my dad bumped into the car in front of us because he was distracted looking at a woman in short shorts!
I want to write today about the crisis of facing moral temptations. I can just see my daughter Melody putting her hands over her ears and saying, “That’s more than I wanted to know!” It may be more than you wanted to know, but I believe the information in this chapter is material all of us need to know. YOU will face temptation. YOU will have to fight the battle for your mind—your imagination! YOU will face having to make a choice of your actions, and if you fail, YOU will have to learn how to let the Lord change your habits and give you victory.
Thanks for reading. I’m praying for you as you fight the fight for purity!
Bill
CAUTION! DANGER! SEXUAL TEMPTATION AHEAD.
She walked into my office and said, “I’ve decided to have an affair.” I started to say, “Oh I’m so sorry,” but she interrupted me and said, “And I decided to have the affair with you!”
I was vulnerable; there were many pressures in my life. I was working too hard at church and spending too little time with my wife. I was feeling fat and forty, over the hill, and unattractive. She was attractive and unhappily married. When she offered herself to me, I knew I was in trouble.
For a few moments it was almost like time stood still. In my mind, I picked up my “imagination remote control.” I pushed fast forward, and in a moment, I was involved in an imaginary intimate embrace.
What did I choose to do? You’ll have to read the end of the chapter to know what happened.
IT SEEMS LIKE WE LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF A SEXUAL WAR!
Have you noticed that Hollywood and television like to make sin look good? They always glamorize relationships so the hours of flirtation and climax look so appealing. Seductive commercials try to lure us into buying anything from cars to chewing gum to window cleaner! Even during an innocent trip to the local department store we’re confronted with bigger than life pictures of women in lingerie. Living together before you’re married is considered culturally acceptable, promoted by many and openly celebrated as “the next step” in a “normal” relationship. Yet God teaches us differently. There’s no doubt, we’re in a battle for our purity AND our children’s.
Even the great moral lessons of the Bible are often perverted into Hollywood fantasies. If Hollywood made a movie about David and Bathsheba, the producers would probably pick out one section from their life to really exploit. They would fast-forward beyond David’s victories and show David looking from his roof-top garden to see Bathsheba bathing. They again would fast forward to the scene of their intimate embrace. The music would capture our imagination and the camera would zoom in so we could feel their passion.
The story doesn’t end there though. We can’t let Hollywood capture our imagination, causing us to rewind and replay—rewind and replay—the moments of passion. The Holy Spirit can help us fast forward to when David desperately tries to cover up their sin by deceit and murder. Fast forward to the death of their baby, the incest and rape of their daughter Tamar, the death of their son Absalom, and the repeated moral failures of their son Solomon. Fast forward to see their grandchildren rebel and God ultimately withdraw His blessing and protection from the whole nation. But this is the “down” part of the story and our enemy doesn’t want us to face the harsh reality of sin’s consequences.
MORAL FAILURE HAS CONSEQUENCES
I don’t know about you, but whenI face temptation I don’t want to think about the consequences. Moral failure is all around us and the consequences are real and usually devastating. Several of my close friends have been immoral. Their broken-hearted families are left wounded and disillusioned.
Many parents have told me they’ve discovered their sons or daughters are sexually active. Just two weeks ago a friend called shocked, disappointed, and scared. He shared that his fourteen-year-old daughter has given away her virginity. Another parent shared that her very young daughter had been giving oral sex to her boyfriend. Another called weeping; his teenage daughter is pregnant. Yet another called and announced that his child has told him he’s a homosexual.
The moral crisis around us that bring us difficult decisions also often victimizes our most innocent. Recently three more families I know have discovered that one or more of their children are being molested. Last summer, in our community, three people were brutally murdered as a molester captured his “prey.” Two kidnapped children were molested before one of them was also murdered. I realize that not all sexual sin leads to murder or molestation, but all sins bring consequences.
–Galatians 6:7 (NLT) “Don’t be misled. Remember that you can’t ignore God and get away with it. You will always reap what you sow! 8) Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful desires will harvest the consequences of decay and death.”
HOW ARE YOU HANDLING YOUR TEMPTATIONS?
It’s not wrong to be tempted, but how we handle those temptations will determine whether we sin or not. So, how are you doing? Let’s take a closer look.
- Have you caught yourselves looking too deeply into someone’s eyes and wondering “what if?”
- Have you found yourself wondering what they’d look in tight fitting jeans or you caught yourself looking for the hint of a thigh or a breast?
- Has that friendly hug lasted too long?
- Have you been innocently “flirting” with someone else’s mate when you suddenly realized that somewhere you stopped flirting and longed to go further?
- Have you been surfing the internet when suddenly a picture captured your attention for just a moment, you stopped to stare, and then you let your imagination run wild?
- Have you been reminded of an improper past sexual experience and then caught yourself using the “re-wind button,” of your memory to play scenes from your past over and over again?
- Have you met face to face with someone that you shared intimately with in the past, and your inflated memory seems better than your present reality?
- Have you been using your ”imagination remote control” to play with your sexual imagination, indulging in inappropriate fantasies?
- Do you enjoy the temptation, the thrill of “flying close to the flame” or “driving close to the edge” or “almost but not quite?”
BEWARE! All these behaviors are VERY DANGEROUS. If you begin to play the “what it would be like” game, you may find yourself wanting it to be real…and then “the game” will end.
A NOTE FOR THOSE WHO THINK “THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN TO ME.”
Maybe there are some of you who would try to convince me that you’ve never thought of being unfaithful, read a book with explicit sexual descriptions, or watched a movie with inappropriate scenes, and never wondered “what it would be like to be that person” or “to have that experience.” Maybe you concluded that “[you] will never be tempted” or that “good parenting and home schooling will protect [your] children!” Have you forgotten that the Bible says, “Remember, temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience” (1 Corinthians 10:13). Everyone will be tempted!
A NOTE FOR THOSE WHO HAVE FAILED.
We all face temptation and we all will lose some battles. First John 1:9 tells us “If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins…..and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” We confess…He forgives. His forgiveness does not mean the consequences will magically disappear, though. He forgives AND helps us deal with the bondage and consequences of sin. David took his failure to God and asked Him to cleanse him. He made no excuses and accepted God’s sovereign judgment.
–Psalms 51:1-19. (NLT) “Have mercy on me, O God, because of Your unfailing love. Because of Your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins. 2) Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. 3) For I recognize my shameful deeds—They haunt me day and night. 4) Against You, and You alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in Your sight. You will be proved right in what You say, and Your judgment against me is just.”
Maybe some of you have experienced one failure after another and want to give up. Maybe you have formed destructive sexual habits or addictions. There is hope. Keep reading.
PREPARING FOR BATTLE
The battle for our moral purity is, in many ways, like any other battle we face as Christians. We should plan, in our times our times of strength, for our times of weakness. Good planning and prevention often head off disaster. Let’s look at it one step at a time.
Look for the lies:
Identify any lies you’ve started believing. Before you can control your actions, you need to “take captive every thought.” Replace the lies with Truth. Are you believing a lie?
- Maybe one of your friends has fallen in his or her temptations and you’ve thought, “If he can’t make marriage work, there’s no hope for me” or “If she can’t be pure, I know I can’t.” THOSE ARE LIES!
- Maybe you’ve started listening to our culture and found yourself compromising. “No one will find out.” “It’s only flirtation; it won’t lead anywhere.” “It’s OK as long as no one gets hurt.” “It’s not really wrong.” “The Bible is old fashioned.” “Everyone is doing it.” Or “Oh well, touching or oral sex isn’t really sex.” THEY’RE ALL LIES!
- Maybe you thought, “I haven’t felt this excited for years!”, “My [husband or wife] doesn’t make me feel like this person does,” or “If it feels this good, it can’t be wrong” MORE LIES!
- Worse yet, maybe you’ve thought, “I’ve prayed and I know God doesn’t want me to be unhappy” or “I’ve prayed, ‘Lord if you don’t want me to be in this relationship, YOU take them away.’” MORE LIES!
IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL THE LIES WE NEED TO LISTEN TO GOD’S TRUTH!
I love how God uses the Apostle Paul to both warn us and give us hope. We WILL be tempted. First Corinthians 10:13 says, “The temptations that come into our lives are not different from what others experience.” In the middle of our temptations, “God will be faithful.” When it seems like the temptations are so severe that there is no hope for me, the Scripture says, “God is faithful, He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can’t stand up to it. When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so you will not give into it.”
- Are you looking at your various temptations or are you looking to your God who promises to give you a way of escape?
- Are you reading, memorizing, and claiming God’s word to help you in temptation? (Psalm 119:11)
- How are you responding to the work of the Holy Spirit in your life? The Lord promises to send Him to us to convict us of sin (what we should not do), righteousness (what we should do), and the fact that we will stand before God who will judge our thoughts, actions, and habits?
- Are you focusing on the worries of temptation, pressures, or the immediate crisis and you are afraid? Are you counting the number of your enemies that surround you, or the number of your friends who are falling to temptations, or are you fixing your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right? Are you choosing to think about those things that are pure, lovely, and admirable? Are you concentrating your attention on negative things or on those things God gives you that are excellent and worthy of praise? (Philippians 4:6-9)
- Are you trying to face your battles alone? Again Scripture gives us practical help when it warns us to stand together and be accountable to each other (Hebrews 3:12-15).
Don’t try to ignore your weaknesses because Satan will sneak up on you!
Once you identify the lies, look for your areas of vulnerability. I don’t know how Satan dresses up when he comes to tempt you, but I know he uses our selfishness and our human appetite to fill the vacuum in our hearts with anything but God. What toys does he dangle in front of you? Cars, boats, houses, or even security? When Satan comes to you is it through a desire for wealth, power, sex, or vengeance? Does he lure you with excitement or adventure? Where do you willingly compromise? Does boredom lead you to immoral thoughts? Does sexual curiosity lead you to internet pornography? Does a longing to recapture your youth lead you to immoral fantasies? When you know where you’re weak, you can begin to prepare your defenses.
God is God; He is everywhere, and you can’t hide from Him!
I remember walking into a grocery store one day and noticing a leader from the church standing awkwardly at the magazine rack. He was holding a magazine sideways, obviously looking at the naked woman in the centerfold. I’ve always wondered, if he looked carefully to the left and then to the right, to see if he was being watched. I’ll bet you he did. What he forgot to do is look UP! God sees everything we think and do!
David wrote:
–Psalm 139:1-2,7 “O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. 2) You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my every thought when far away”… 7) I can never escape from your spirit! I can never get away from your presence. “
God is God; He knows everything and will judge us.
–1 Corinthians 6:9-10 “Don’t you know that those who do wrong will have no share in the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, who are idol worshipers, adulterers, male prostitutes, homosexuals, 10) thieves, greedy people, drunkards, abusers, and swindlers – none of these will have a share in the Kingdom of God.”
EVERY ONE FACES TEMPTATION:
In Job 31:1-12, we read that Job was the most righteous man of his generation, but he still faced sexual temptation. In order to be pure he wrote, “I made a covenant.” Note the elements of his covenant with God:
- `He made a covenant with his eyes not to look with lust upon a young woman.
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He made a covenant to remember that God judges the wicked. 3. He made a covenant to remember that God sees everything we think, see, or do and will judge us accurately.
APPLICATION FROM JOB 31
- He sees me if I stray from His pathway.
- He sees when my heart lusts for something my eyes have seen.
- He sees me when I am guilty of any other sin.
- He made a covenant to remember that there is a price for all sin, but specific punishment for sexual sins.
- Someone else will reap the financial benefit for all my work.
- All my past work, like crops, will be uprooted.
- My wife will belong to and sleep with another.
- My sexual sins will be punished.
- It will wipe out everything I own.
God is God; There is a blessing promised to those who love Him and keep His commandments.
If a Christian is “one in whom Christ lives” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20), and if “greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world” (1 John 4:4) it’s vital that Christians live every moment of their day as though they are living with their landlord. When I am tempted to thoughts I can’t include the Lord in, I’m in danger.
Expect the battle:
Have you ever asked yourself why Christians have to battle so hard for moral purity? Shouldn’t it be easier for us? After all, we’re forgiven for our past, we’ve received the gift of the Holy Spirit, and we’re going to heaven when we die. The Apostle Paul explains it this way:
Galatians 5:17) “The old sinful nature loves to do evil, which is just the opposite from what the Holy Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are opposite from what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, and your choices are never free from this conflict!”
I read of a missionary who was visiting with a new Christian about the pressures and temptations in his life. The young man said, “I feel like there is a battle in my heart between a black wolf and a white wolf.” The missionary asked him, “Which wolf is going to win?” The young Christian said, “The one that I feed.”
I read of a young man who called down from upstairs, “Mom, is this shirt I’m wearing dirty?” She responded, “Yes.” The young man changed his shirt and went down stairs. He then asked, “How did you know it was dirty?” She said, “If it’s doubtful, it’s dirty.”
If we look at the battle for our moral purity, we need to realize that sin takes place first in the head before it takes place in the bed (Matt 5:27).
We need to realize that because the Lord lives in our lives, we don’t have to fail. But the battle for moral purity is not just one battle, it is a war with a lifelong series of battles. Let me try to explain the war that is going on in every Christian’s life.
A PARABLE ABOUT “Ime”.
I just got into a terrible fight. I hate that guy. I don’t just dislike him, I hate him! His name is IME. He is really hard to be around. I’ve tried to get rid of him, but I can’t.
You ask, “What was the fight about?” Well, SINCE I BECAME A Christian, I’ve tried to convert IME. I spend a lot of time with him, but when we are together there is always a fight. It’s all about him. It’s his car; he’s always angry when people get in his way. It’s always his kids, his wife, and his job. I went to church last week with IME and I couldn’t even worship because IME was upset. People didn’t treat him as he thought he deserved. They didn’t sing the songs he liked, and the sermon didn’t meet his need. No one went out of their way to make him feel welcome.
You should see old IME at his home. It’s always “all about IME”—what he likes or doesn’t like. It’s all about his TV programs, what makes him happy or makes him mad. Even in his relationship with his wife, it’s all about what satisfies him. I sure hate that guy. You ask, “Why don’t you get rid of him, move away from him or something?” I did. I thought I’d even killed him once.
By this time you probably figured out that IME’s full name is I – ME – MY- MINE.
The Scriptures call him selfishness, the flesh. He was a partner with Satan to keep me from heaven, and now, he partners with the world, the devil, and the flesh to steal my joy…to try to get me back again.
Since “IME” is also a relative of yours, I wanted to ask, how are you doing with IME? Have you noticed when you take your eyes off Jesus as your Savior and Lord, that you fall back into the same old battle with him? If you give old IME an inch, he takes a mile. If you open the door to temptation just a crack, IME crowds in and tries to overwhelm you…and soon, your heart and home are in bad shape all over again.
Be as alert as a soldier at war. Expect the attack, so you’re not taken off guard.
Know your enemy and his tactics:
Our enemy is not flesh and blood but rather Satan and his team (Ephesians 6:12).
Satan has a “spy,” a “betrayer,” or an “undercover” agent in my life—old IME. He attacks through what we see, hear, feel, touch, and remember. Our battle with the enemy is progressive. If we win or lose a battle, there is always another battle in our future.
THE FIRST BATTLE WE FACE IS THE BATTLE FOR OUR MIND:.
If Satan can control our minds, he’s got a shoe in the door he can take over the whole house! If I lose the battle for my mind, for what I think, for what I put into my mind—for biblical thinking—sin will creep into my mind. I will question Truth. If I lose the battle for what is real Truth, I will reject it and start believing the lies.
Let me illustrate. Which young man do you want to date your daughter? The one who still battles with Satan but is faithful to God in worship and prayer, reads his Bible and surrounds himself with good Christian friends? Or a young man who fills his mind with pornography, hangs out with the wrong crowd, and is uncomfortable with the things of God?
The battle for the mind never stops and what we put into our minds and how we think about those things will determine how we face the second battle field.
THE SECOND BATTLE FIELD WE FACE IS THE BATTLE FOR CONTROLLING OUR ACTIONS:
If our enemy controls our mind, it’s pretty easy to control our behavior. Remember sexual sins occur in the head before they ever take place in the bed. If you are losing the battle for your mind you will have to battle with thinking the wrong things, thinking the wrong words, thinking the wrong attitudes and then seeing your thoughts break out into actions. Wrong thinking leads to wrong actions. Repeat the pattern enough times and you’ve formed a nasty habit, which leads us into the next battlefield.
THE THIRD BATTLEFIELD WE FACE IS TO CONTROL OUR HABITS:
If we lose the battle for our mind and lose the battle for our behavior, we will find ourselves addicted to, chained to, or bound to all sorts of undesirable habits. They may start out as flirtations with “the dark side,” but somehow, day by day, week by week, they will take over, and Satan will control our habits.
If we lose the battle for our mind, actions, and habits we will begin to start thinking only of ourselves and our ambitions. We will eventually separate from Christians and divide from anyone that doesn’t agree with us. We’ll think everyone is wrong but us and become angry, jealous, and rebellious. We will even quit trying to control our attitudes, desires, actions, and addictions.
WINNING THE WAR
Jesus is always our example. When Satan tempted Him, He always looked to God. He used the “Sword of the Spirit,” which is the Word of God, to fight the enemy (see Matthew 4). The Bible gives us instructions for our battle with Satan and old “IME.”
–JAMES 5:6-10 (NLT) “He gives more and more strength to stand against such evil desires. As the Scriptures say, ‘God sets Himself against the proud, but He shows favor to the humble.’ 7) So humble yourselves before God. Resist the Devil, and he will flee from you. 8) Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, you hypocrites. 9) Let there be tears for the wrong things you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. 10) When you bow down before the Lord and admit your dependence on him, he will lift you up and give you honor.”
-1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says “Or don’t you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20) for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.” Think of it; we ruined us. God washed us. God moved into us. We became His child, and we surrendered ownership of our own life, marriage, family…everything!
-Romans 12:1-2) “Therefore I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God. This is your spiritual act of worship. 2) Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
CONCLUSION:
I promised to share with you what I did when I heard her say, “I’ve decided to have an affair, and I’ve decided to have it with you.”
I won’t tell you the exact words I said, but in spite of what my “feelings” wanted to do, and because the Lord kept His promise to give me a way of escape, the battle plan (set into my mind BEFORE the temptation) came to my mind. I took out a piece of paper and said, “I’m sure I would enjoy sharing sexually with you, but before we do, I want to count what it would cost me.” I wrote, “It will separate me from God. It would separate me from my wife and children. It would damage God’s reputation in my life. I have to say no.” I went on to say, “I can no longer be your pastor. Any help you get from this church will have to come through my wife.” She said, “Well, I’ll just go find someone else” and left. I sat there for a moment, called my wife Bobbi and told her the whole story. When I got to the part where I said any ministry she received would have to come through my wife Bobbi said, “What am I supposed to do?” That week my wife took her to lunch. A few weeks later, it was my wife who went to the hospital after the woman was in a car wreck. More than ten years later she called and said, “Bill, I need help, you are the only man in my whole life that didn’t use me.”
What if I had given into the temptation? God would have forgiven me, my marriage might have survived, but my wife and I would not have been able to reenter her life and help her through her crisis. I won that battle, but my war for a pure mind continues. How are you doing on your war?
Please pray for me. I’m able to be pure only because of Jesus,